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Introduction time!  This is where I proclaim that this is not a be-all-end-all experience of the game.  I don't by any measure explore every little nook and cranny in this walkthrough.  This is meant to provide you with the most reliable and speediest route to the end of the game.  My personal commentary can be found in the GREEN text.  Go ahead and laugh at me, I'm a goofball at times, but hey, so's that little man talking from your lantern!

This game begins 1 second before the Magic Inquisitionís Totemization enforced curfew, at a crossroads between Port Foozle, and a Monastery turned Inquisition headquarters.

Letís start by heading toward the town of Port Foozle, so pick up your PermaSuck machine and...

  1. Turn to your left, and walk into town.

Port Foozle

Port Foozle at Night (Curfew Time)
  1. The first thing that youíve probably noticed by now, is that there are loudspeakers on every house playing (loudly) an Inquisition officer screaming about how the Inquisition runs everything, and everyone is subordinate to them. (Who is the Boss of you? ME! I am the Boss of You!)

  2. Letís go over to that fish house and see if thereís anything important you can use.

  3. If you try to take the fish from the ice, the alarm will sound and the owner will chew you out.  But, if you turn the loudspeaker up so loud that the owner canít hear the alarm, you can take them without incident. (You can leave the loudspeaker turned up if you want.  The guy can be funny at times.)

  4. Now letís head to the dock. (Itís to your left as you face the shop)

  5. Use the winch a few times to hear everything the magic fish has to say. (Some character huh?)

  6. Place the six-pack holder on the hook (You know that thing that people say chokes fish,) and use the winch again to choke the fish, and make him leave the area.

  7. After heís gone, use the winch one last time, and youíll receive (Guess What?) the trusty old battery-operated lantern.

  8. Now letís see what Antharia Jack (Dirk Benedict,) the lantern repairman has to say about this little find. (His shop is the one to your right, as you enter the town)

  9. Go up to the door, and click the lantern on the door. (If you just knock, he wonít let you in.)

  10. Once youíre inside, heíll offer you an auto lighting cigar while he goes and looks for his wrench.

  11. Take a cigar from the box.

  12. When he returns, Jack will fiddle with the lantern, which starts to talk! (Heíll hit it a few times) then, heíll talk you out of (Forcefully) keeping the lantern, and send you back outside. (Minus one lantern)

  13. Go to the end of the street. (Back alley, where they have free talking inquisitor dolls)

  14. Look at the Talking Grand Inquisitor doll and notice that they are highly flammable.

  15. Light it with the cigar and jump into the barrel behind you.

  16. Watch (Through the hole in the barrel) the Inquisition police take Jack away for the fire he set.  (Donít worry; youíll meet up with Jack again later)

  17. Run back to Jackís shop and retrieve your lantern (Which promptly thanks you, and ask you to get it out of town.)

  18. Now that you have the lantern, thereís nothing left in town for you, so letís head up to the Monastery turned Inquisition headquarters. (To the right from the crossroads)

  19. Read the signs on the fence and take the rope from the Frobozz Electric Totemization Counter sign.

  20. Thatís all at the Headquarters for now, so letsí go and take the center path from the crossroads.

  21. Go straight twice, and go to the well in the forest, use the rope to climb down the well.

  22. After meeting Dalboz (who happens to be trapped in the lamp) and talking to Sorceress YíGael, you will have a spellbook and be standing outside Secret Entrance # 38967 to the Great Underground Empire.

Antharia Jack with the Famous Brass Lantern

If this is your first Zork game, you probably donít know the true significance of the brass lantern.  In ways, this is one of two objects that all of the Zork games revolve around, and it must be retrieved at all costs, for this game to move forward.

The Crossroads

The Griff, Cute A'int he?
  1. Look down and find the bucket. Inside is the Subway Token.

  2. Go ahead and take it (Dalboz will point out that itís your first inventory item together.  Awe.)

  3. Face the door and cast REZROV (This unlocks the door)

  4. You can now be transported down the stairs.  (By the railing no less!)

  5. At the bottom, turn to the left. (As you face the door) Next to the entrance is an emergency Adventure Case that contains a hammer, a Sword (I think it's supposed to be the Elvish Sword of Antiquity, to retain continuity with the other games), and a map.

  6. Open the case and take the hammer, then close it and use the hammer to break the glass. (Cheeky) You can now get the Sword and Map from the case.

  7. Look on the ground to the right of the entrance where you will find Griffís Totem. (Griff is a dragon that was captured by the inquisition, as he is a magical creature.) (Now you know what Totemization is, bet you've been wondering)

  8. Proceed down the path to the crossroads.

  9. To the right is the Crossroads teleportation station, and past that, the Zork Underground. (Subway)

  10. Straight ahead takes you to the entrance to GUE Tech.

  11. To the left is the entrance to the Dungeon Masters Lair (Where we go next)

Dungeon Master's Lair

Lair of the Guy in the Lamp
  1. Use the sword to cut away the brush. (How come you couldnít do that in Zork I?)

  2. Enter the hole you just cut.

  3. Open the shed just to the right of the entrance and get the shovel and the THROCK scroll.

  4. Head back to the crossroads and then go to the entrance to GUE Tech. 

GUE Tech

View Through the Door
  1. Unlock, and open the door with the REZROV spell, then enter.

  2. To get into GUE Tech you have to solve the rotating puzzles on the three columns. (You only have to do this once, as whenever you return the puzzles will be solved)

  3. On the first two columns you have to match the pictures.

  4. The correct picture on the first column is a volcano with a river of lava.

  5. The correct picture on the second is the tower with the "Z" on top.

  6. For the third column you have to create a complete window.

  7. Match the sections so that the entire window is visible, ignoring the rest of the image.

  8. Click on the window that appears to enter GUE Tech.

  9. Move around the fountain to the left and read all the notices on the bulletin board for some clues. Continue around the fountain to the Infinite Hallway entrance.

  10. Look up above the hallway entrance to see the sign describing it as an "Infinite Hallway".

  11. You should notice that the letters are in purple, and you have a spell that makes purple things invisible. (Iíll bet that description sounded weird when you first looked at it)

  12. Anyway, cast IGRAM on the word "Infinite" to change the Infinite hallway to a finite Hallway.

  13. Enter quickly before it changes back and go down the hallway to listen to all four parts of the message from Belboz. (To hear these messages, you need to merely click on the pictures.)

  14. Head back to the fountain and exit GUE Tech using the door. (The door and the window take you to two different places)

  15. Turn around and go back up the stairs to the empty floor.

  16. The teleport station for GUE Tech is to the left, while to the right is a pile of dirt.

  17. Use the shovel to dig up the KENDALL spell, and then use the Teleportation Station to return to the Crossroads. 

The Zork Underground

Hold onto your Socks!!!
  1. Use the token you found at the bottom of the well to enter the Zork Underground system.

  2. Read the poster, and then look at the directions on the wall.

  3. Wow! These directions are really complicated.  If only you had a way to simplify instructions.

  4. Cast KENDALL on the instructions, Press the Hades button, Turn around and Step onto the platform. (Nifty little system they have here.)

Hades

Now you see what self-Hypnotization can do to you.
  1. The skeleton here seems to have hypnotized himself, as one of the books he has is about self hypnotizing methods.

  2. Take the Old Scratch card from his hand.

  3. Save the game like Dalboz tells you to.

  4. Play the scratch game (examine the card) until you win.

  5. After you win the 500 Zorkmids, head through the doorway and use the Hades Teleportation Station to return to GUE Tech. 

GUE Tech

Interior of GUE Tech
  1. Go back inside the GUE Tech building by going down the steps and entering the Window on the pillar.

  2. Head for the snack machines and use the change machine to get Zorkmid coins in exchange for the 500 Zorkmid bill you won.

  3. Buy an ice cream sandwich (The third option,) and find that inside the treat, is the OBIDIL scroll. (Note: You cannot Gnusto the OBIDIL scroll yet, as it needs to be imbued by a spell checker)

  4. Use a Zorkmid to purchase Zork Rocks (#8) in the candy machine. (Itíll get stuck, don't worry, you'll have your treat soon enough)

  5. Plug the vacuum (The only object you started the game with, that you've probably been thinking was a fishing lure of some kind) into the candy machine and turn it on. Retrieve the candy from inside the PermaSuck machine.

  6. Before the next step, you should SAVE your GAME.

  7. Place the Zork Rocks in the soda machine and pay for some Blam Classic.

  8. Now hurry down the hallway to the lockers before the Zork Rocks explode.

  9. Slip them into Dalbozís locker (second locker on the middle row) and wait for it to explode.

  10. The locker is now open, and you can pick up the Dungeon Masterís student ID inside.

  11. To open the other lockers, you must purchase the matching candy in the candy machine. (I.E. the upper-left candy, open the upper-left locker) (Note: this was shown in one of the notices on the bulletin board)

  12. The only other locker that you need to open is Yanukís  (the one with all the graffiti).

  13. Head back to the candy machine and buy the candy that matches that locker (number 11).

  14. Return to the lockers and get the ProZork sedative from the locker and read all the books.

  15. Use the KENDALL spell to make the spell creation textbook easier to understand.

  16. Remember the order of Spell creation, as you will need it later.

  17. After reading the textbook turn around and use the ID Card to open the door to the Spell Lab.

Spell Lab

  1. Enter the Spell Lab and use the Teleportation Station on your right to return to the crossroads. 

Flood Control Dam #3

  1. Take the Zork Underground to the Flood Control Dam #3 station. (You no longer need a token to enter the subway)

  2. Turn to the left and use a Zorkmid in the machine to get a souvenir letter opener.

  3. Look at the drainpipe to see the Moss of Mareilon.

  4. Use THROCK on the Moss to make it grow, then pick it up.

  5. Head to the Dam controls and read the two books to find the GOLGATEM spell.

  6. Use the REZROV spell on one of the closed Floodgates, and you will be able to operate the controls to close all four gates.

  7. The dam will be destroyed and power to Port Foozle will be interrupted. (Therefore keeping Jack from being totemized.  This also fills the area below the bridge to the Spell Lab with water.)

  8. Take the Zork Underground back to the crossroads and head back to the Spell Lab using the Teleportation Station.

The Spell Lab

  1. Use the sword to cut the ropes of the bridge, sending the invisible six-armed guy to the bottom of the canyon. (If you attack the creature, you will die)

  2. Cast GOLGATEM to build a new bridge.

  3. Head to the Spell Checker and run the OBIDIL spell through it to make it useable.

  4. Get a blank scroll from the box to the left of the bridge.

  5. You must follow the instruction from the cheaterís book you found in the lockers to create the BEBURTT spell.

  6. The correct order is as follows: Origination, Modification, Replication, Interpretation, Transmogrification and finally run it through the Spell Checker to have it imbued.

  7. Use the Teleportation Station to return to the Crossroads. 

The Crossroads

  1. Head for the umbrella plant. (On the other side of the staircase to the secret entrance)

  2. Cast BEBURTT on the blossoms.

  3. The blossoms will open and drop the ZIMDOR scroll. (You cannot Gnusto this scroll)

  4. Pick it up and head back to the Dungeon Masterís Lair. 

Dungeon Master's Lair

Nice Idea, but I don't think they make Weed Whackers that small.
  1. Walk toward the house until you get to the snapdragon. (On the left, across from the eggplants)

  2. Throw the ProZork tablet to the snapdragon and use the sword to cut it from the plant.

  3. Head over to the house and place the cigar in the ashtray on the left (the security system will take it)

  4. Now, pour the Mead Light into the basin on the right.

  5. Use the ZIMDOR scroll you got from the umbrella plant to triplicate the amount of Mead Light in the basin. (The security system will take that too)

  6. Now that the alarm is disabled you can enter the house.

  7. Inside the house get the Flatheadia Fudge, the jar of Hotbugs and the Hungus Lard from the shelves to your left.

  8. Take the mug from the mug plant near the Chia-Processor. (It looks like itís growing from the plant)

  9. Read all the books you can find (three on the shelves to the left, one in the corner by the door, and two more on the shelves to the right.) (Dalboz liked to read)

  10. Listen to all the messages on the answering machine. (It looks like a potted plant on the coffee table)

  11. Time to SAVE the GAME again.

  12. Head back outside and place the Hungus Lard in the beehive to scare away all of the Quelbees.

  13. Quickly remove the lard and use the sword on the hive.

  14. Take the honeycomb.

  15. Walk around the side of the house to find the Teleportation Station.

  16. Turn toward the house and look under the window at the small mushroom-shaped plant.

  17. Cast THROCK on the plant and then place the snapdragon on top.

  18. Hit the plant with the hammer and the snapdragon will jump to the windowsill and fetch a torn piece of the SNAVIG scroll.

  19. Walk back around the house and go inside.

  20. Open the blinds and look at the walking castle.

  21. Quickly use OBIDIL to attract him closer and go inside.

  22. Pick up the NARWILE spell from the castleís heart (sick) and go back into the house.

  23. Place the Moss of Mareilon, mug, Hungus Lard, Flatheadia Fudge, Quelbee Honeycomb and the jar of hotbugs in the food processor.

  24. You will get a mug of Dalbozís famous hot chocolate.

  25. Drink the hot Chocolate, (Cup and all!) and Dalboz will remember the SNAVIG spell.

  26. Now go into the Bedroom.

  27. Grab the other piece of the SNAVIG scroll from the windowsill, and walk through the mirror.

  28. Assemble the pieces of the scroll and walk back though the mirror.

  29. Open the wardrobe to reveal the first time tunnel.

  30. Cast NARWILE on the tunnel, and use YASTARD on Griffís totem to send him through the tunnel. 

The White House (Griff)

Almost seems magickal doesn't it?
  1. Behind the house lays the GOFLE spell.

  2. Pick it up, walk around to the front of the house and then open the mailbox to reveal an envelope addressed to 666 Hades Place.

  3. Put the scroll inside the envelope and place the envelope in the mailbox.

  4. Close the mailbox and put the flag up.

  5. Head back to the time tunnel and return to present time.

  6. Use the teleport station to go to Hades.

Hades

I hated that Operator after an hour of pushing those buttons.
  1. Go through the doorway and pick up the phone.

  2. You now need to decode the automated message system to get Charon to show up.

  3. This puzzle can be difficult if you arenít thinking along Zorkian lines. (To decipher the instructions, cast KENDALL on the phone itself)

  4. When Charon arrives pay him two Zorkmids and he will take you to hell.

  5. Open the mailbox there and get the envelope with the GLORF spell.

  6. Pay Charon two more Zorkmids to take you back across the river, and use the teleport station to return to the Spell Lab. 

Spell Lab

  1. Run the taped-up SNAVIG scroll through the spell checker to repair it.

  2. You should now have all of the spells in the game.

  3. Use the Teleportation Station to go back to the Crossroads.

Crossroads

  1. Go to the secret entrance (The Dragon/Railing will take you back up the stairs) and use GLORF on the rope to untie it. (Donít go topside, or you will be arrested and sentenced for immediate Totemization, and you're not lucky enough to have a random adventurer cut the power like Jack.)

  2. Head back to the Zork Underground and take it to the Monastery. 

The Monastery

  1. Tie the rope to the sword and throw it up to the grate in the ceiling.

  2. Climb up the rope to the interior of the Monastery.

  3. Inside the Monastery is the Totemization device.

  4. You should SAVE the GAME at this point.

  5. Look at the controls and turn the wheel with the light on it to disable the "PermaSeal" step. (The yellow light will go out)

  6. Change the destination to the Inquisition chamber, then move to the entrance to the machine and press the right button to activate the Totemizer.  (Yikes!)

  7. After you land in the inquisition chamber (and expand back to your normal size,) pick up Lucyís totem from the box. (Sheís the one yelling for you)

  8. Look at all the displays, and exit the monastery.

  9. Read all the signs on this side of the fence for all of the Inquisition messages.

  10. Now, open the message sender near the door, and remove the middle hammer to change the message being sent to the guards.

  11. Go back inside.

  12. Go to the display on sealing up the time tunnels.

  13. Move the lever all the way to the top to set the speed of the display to the fastest setting and then turn it on.

  14. After the hammer in the display breaks replace it with the one you took from the message system. (This oneís much stronger)

  15. Activate the display again and the planks over the time tunnel will be knocked off.

  16. Cast NARWILE on the tunnel, and send Lucy through it with the YASTARD spell. 

Port Foozle (Lucy)

  1. Go into Jackís bar and head to the math game.

  2. Take all the cards, and use the "four" card with the fly buzzing around near the door to make it a "five" card.

  3. Using the modified card solve the math problem in the machine. 5 / 1 Ė 2 = 3 (5 / 1 Ė 3 = 2)

  4. You will be ushered into the back room to play strip Grue, Fire, and Water with Antharia Jack.

  5. Click on Jack before each round to read his mind, then select to correct button to defeat him.

  6. Eventually he will give you the Cube of Foundation and the walking castle will show up.

  7. Place the cube on one of the cushions then exit the castle through the time tunnel.

  8. Head for Hades, either by going back down to the Zork Underground. 

Hades

Is that someone I know?
  1. Once youíre across the river again cast SNAVIG on Charon, and go to the two-headed guard near the gates of Hell. Heíll let you take a time card.  Make sure that you use Charonís.

  2. Now you will be admitted through the gates of Hell.

  3. Pick up Brogís totem from the floor and move on to the Time Tunnel.

  4. Cast NARWILE on the tunnel, then send Griff through with the YASTARD spell. 

The Dragon (Griff)

Fun fun fun, till your daddy takes you totem awaaaayyyyy....
  1. Turn to the left until you find an "island" Griff can fly to.

  2. Fly there, and push the claw, which will cause the sleeping dragon to shift, revealing his extra-large belly.

  3. Fly to his belly. (The large central island)

  4. Find the box in the ship wreckage and get the inflatable raft and man.

  5. Take the air pump from the skeleton on the dragonís right hand (to the left of the wreckage.  I have to wonder exactly how somebody could die in that position)

  6. Fly to the dragonís snout and place the raft and inflatable man in his nostrils.

  7. Use the pump to inflate them both.

  8. Iíd SAVE my GAME before you go into the dragonís maw.

  9. Now fly into his mouth.

  10. Once inside take the gold tooth and the Coconut of Quendor.

  11. Talk to the guy inside the dragon until he throws you a rope.

  12. Ignore his requests for help and place the Coconut inside the raft.

  13. Go outside and tie the rope to the raft and inflatable man. (If you tie it to one, it automatically ties to the other)

  14. Head back inside the dragonís mouth again and use the gold tooth to pop the inflatable man.

  15. After popping him you need to exit the dragonís mouth very quickly.

  16. Find the raft and collect the Coconut, making the walking castle appear.

  17. When the castle appears go inside and place the Coconut on the cushion, then go through the time tunnel to return to the present.

Hades

  1. Charon wonít take you back across the river because youíve gone through the gates of Hell.

  2. Cast SNAVIG on the two-headed guard then go to Charon.

  3. Heíll take you across the river.

  4. Use the Teleportation Station to go to the Dungeon Master Lair.

  5. Go inside the house and head back to the time tunnel in the wardrobe. (No, the White House is NOT in Narnia!)

  6. Use YASTARD to send Brog through the tunnel. 

The White House (Brog)

The little white house that could
  1. Go to the cave entrance and take both torches.

  2. Go back to the White House and rip the boards off the door.

  3. Once inside head downstairs and collect the Grue eggs.

  4. Go back upstairs and use the Flickering Torch with the pot in the corner, and place each egg in the pot to boil it.

  5. Once you have boiled all the eggs go back downstairs.

  6. Throw the eggs at the stalactites until they break away and reveal a platform you can jump to.

  7. Jump across the chasm to the Chess puzzle and the Skull of Yoruk.

  8. This is an interesting puzzle to face as the non-intelligent Brog, but itís one of my favorite solutions to any puzzle.

  9. You need to take the board that you pulled from the door, and smash the cage open.  (You canít tell me that you never wanted to do THAT in a game like this.)

  10. Anyway, once you take the Skull, the walking castle shows up, and you place it on its cushion, you can return to the present day through the awaiting time tunnel.

Present Day

As you exit the Time Tunnel, Yanuk, the Grand Inquisitor, and one of his officers arrest you for your aide of the magic resistance.

Jail

  1. Talk to Jack through the air vent until he gives you a scroll with a spell that creates a keyhole and key.

  2. Use the letter opener to unscrew the vent and take the scroll.

  3. Take the poster off the wall.

  4. Use the scroll on the cell door to create a lock.

  5. Place the poster under the door and push the key out of the lock using the letter opener. (Hey remember this from Zork II?)

  6. Take the key and poster and unlock the door.

  7. SAVE the GAME.

  8. Go to the control panel to the left of the cell and examine the blueprints.

  9. Watch the monitor until you see Jack waving through his cell window.

  10. Using the blueprints and the camera number that displayed when you saw Jack, figure out what cell heís in. (I believe itís different every time)

  11. Set the controls to that cell number and press the button.

  12. Jack will go get your stuff and come meet you at the control panel.

  13. The walking castle will appear again and take you to Flathead Mesa. 

Flathead Mesa

  1. Once YíGael has given you the scroll use it on your spell book to reverse all your spells. (Now those are some interesting spells you have now)

  2. Go back into the castle and take all three artifacts.

  3. Exit the castle.

  4. Head toward the broadcast tower.

  5. Use the VORZER spell to close the guard tent, and seal them all inside.

  6. Then use MARGI to reveal the invisible fence.

  7. Unplug the fence, and then cut it with the sword.

  8. You now need to place the artifacts in the correct positions on the tower.

  9. The Skull goes in a box at the bottom of the tower, the Cube goes in the CUBE SHAPED hole halfway up the tower, and the Coconut goes in one of the cups at the top of the tower.

  10. After you place the Coconut, Dalboz will have you balance the cups using the lantern.

  11. After placing all the items look up and cut the wire using the sword.

  12. Once the Grand Inquisitor starts climbing the tower cast the spell to bind the parts of magic.

  13. The Inquisitor will be destroyed, the creatures trapped in totems will all be freed, Lucy will be elected Queen, and you will become the Fourth Dungeon Master.

Congratulations!!